The Struggle is Real

So i dont know when was the last time i wrote.....

This is the song i've had stuck in my head for the past two days. Seriously, people can hate on Miley, but damn she has a good voice.

So during the week nothing interesting happens. I am finally getting into student mode and have stayed at the library till like around 11:30pm for the past two days and i have actually been productive! Yay me! I hope this continues.

On other news i am sad to report that my body has failed me. I woke up sick today. Like legit sick, with sore throat, stuffy nose, headaches, dizziness and muscle pains. The whole shebang. I feel so dreadful and i still have to write an essay that is due tomorrow. ALSO i've ran out of food. Like i just ate some Froot Loops out of the box because i don't even have milk. I have 1 potato left, but i can't even make it because i had to throw away my sponge and my dish soap finished, so i can't even wash my dirty pan. No Bueno. But thankfully tomorrow my lovely cousin and her husband are coming to visit me, and bringing food that my momma sent for me from home. yay!!! i finally get to eat tomorrow! So i am hoping the Froot Loops keep my hunger at bay until then. I am just drowning my sorrows now with water. haha. The struggle is real!

But yeah, so this weekend should be fun again! I just noticed i didn't write about last weekend which was a blast. My friends came to Santa Cruz this time and we hung out at my other friends house and had a little party. But yeah i am having so much fun lately, i am soooooo not looking forward to going home and not being able to go out on the weekends. I was thinking i could probably be straightforward with my mother, but it doesn't seem like shes going to be cool with that. It's like i am going back to being 16 and having to make up lies so i can go to concerts. :(

Love my parents to death! I thank them for their strict rules while growing up, i know now that it made all the difference, i just wish that now they would loosen the reigns a bit more. Like we have been away from home for 4+ years. Whatever we wanted to do that they wouldn't have approved of, we would have done it by now if we had wanted to. I don't know, maybe you need to be a parent to understand that, but still. I just hope they never come across this. haha :)

Outfit of the day:

i feel i might need to stop posting outfit of the day because pretty soon i'm going to need to start wearing the same thing twice. haha

Howl

Like, does anybody else ever get this strong irresistible urge to just howl? Almost every night, honestly i just want to run outside and howl until i get an answer back. Is that odd? Please someone tell me i am not alone in this? haha

and i definitely would be a black wolf, no doubt in my mind.

-Lily

straight, but not narrow.

Can i just say how amazing this is? If only more people thought this way. Life is so much fun when you are not so narrow minded!
So i consider myself "straight,".... at least for the most part. haha
Labels are just stupid, Love whom you love, no matter what gender. Just imagine how much more interesting life is with more possibilities! Yay for humans.

Seriously as if Josh isn't amazing enough.
-Lily

9 more weeks

So nothing interesting happened today.

i went to class and i didnt fall asleep which was a huge accomplishment! haha although, cute smart boy is no longer in my section so thats sad. But british boys are, so i guess you win some, you lose some. haha.

Although i just realized some depressing news, I only have 9 weeks in beautiful santa cruz! This makes me soooooo sad. Like i can't even describe. Its like all these years, learning to be independent and being free, to having to ask your parents for permission for everything. Don't get me wrong, i love my parents, and all my family in LA, but i just realllllyyyyy dont want to leave this beautiful city and all the awesome people in it. Like i am probably never going to see the people at the animal shelter, ill never see duke, and ill never spend an entire summer here by the beach.

College is cruel. It introduces you to people from all around the world only to take them away, and probably have you never see them again.

sad, sad, sad. I think the whole no freedom is what really is making me depressed. Good bye parties, booze, late night dinners, sunrises by the beach, goodbye forests, boys. haha adieu. (i realize i am being a tad bit dramatic.)

haha but no, i am really going to miss this place, although it will be nice to finally be with my dog for good, and have my own room again! omg! i hate sharing! Yay! no more housemate, back to living with people who actually like me! back to my wonderful stacks and stacks of books! Okay, im a little less depressed now. haha

i need to get a job fast! so i can save up and travel, then after that i can panic and try to figure out what i want to do with my life. haha.

okay back to "doing homework" hahahahahahahaahahahaha

Okay here is outfit of the day... i am running low on clean clothes too... I NEED MONEYYYYYYY. :(

-lily

SOS

I'm hungry.

Supplies are running low, send help.....

Worst Dream Ever

I just had the Worst Dream Ever.

I was at my old apartment and i had just come home from school. When i got there the first thing i always do is go and kiss my Dog, but she didnt recognize me! and she tried to bite me!! Her fur had changed color too. It was white. I was asking my dad what happened to her, and he told me she had gotten anmonia and that she almost died, but they took her to the vet fast enough that she didnt. Although as a result her fur started changing color. I was so upset because they didnt even bother to tell me. So then i was going to take her down to pee, and we never use a leash she just always follows, and listens to everything we tell her, but as soon as we stepped out, she ran. I was yelling at her to stop but she ran to the neighbors house, and when i caught up to her she ran across the street! She never gets off the sidewalk, i taught her better than that! She wouldnt listen to anything i told her until i cornered her and caught her! She then bit me multiple times!! It was horrible!! your own child not recognizing you, and you not recognizing them. Like i said WORST DREAM EVER. My poor baby. She is one of the only reasons i want to go home now. I feel guilty taking care of other dogs, when she is alone bored at the house. She needs her mother.

Also i dont know what it means that everytime i dream that i am "home" i always picture my our old apartment. ALWAYS. and i havent lived there in like 7 years. hmmmm.

Okay thats it, bye

-lily

There, There

Okay so i just realize i am the worst person to have in emergencies! haha I panic and freeze, and i don't know how to comfort people. haha

Unfortunately this is me,

I just don't know how to be the grown up in a situation and take care of a person. haha. Don't get me wrong, i will try, but i will probably be panicking so bad, i would need somebody taking care of me as well. haha fail.

Maybe that is why i dont want kids. It's not that i don't like them, its just the though of all that responsibility scares the crap out of me. haha.

But yeah, so aside from my depressing revelation, i am now in survival mode. I have no money and dwindling amounts of food. I only have potatoes and rice, so i will get even fatter to slower the process of starvation once that finishes. But on a happy note, i Just bought some new shoes with the last of my money! yay!

Why yes, i do have my priorities sorted out. -Lily

Cold weather

So guys, it has finally begun.
Cold weather has finally graced the lovely town of Santa Cruz! Hallelujah! I was actually able to wear a scarf, and my fingers were numb with cold, it was awesome!!

But yeah, other than the cold weather, today was normal. I went to class, tried not to fall asleep, and get this, i actually succeeded! i deserve a cookie. Then when i came home, my favorite busker, Scott Gates was playing! I can listen to him play all day! That guy is beyond talented. Like, i had goosebumps the whole time, and they were not from the cold. Wish i could have bought a CD, but like always i had no change. But seriously, his voice makes my heart soar.

So yeah, i am going to make myself a nice tea, and online shop for a much needed coat.

Outfit of the day: (i might wear too much black?)

-Lily

Crazy Old Broad

So i've decided that when i get older, i want to be a crazy old broad, with light pink hair and pearls.
I don't want a conventional lifestyle. I don't believe in the institution of marriage, and i don't want kids. I want to own a small farm, a pack of dogs, and fill my house with books.
I've fallen in love with Beat Poetry, but the thing that has always bothered me is the role of women in literature in general. They're always seen as the muses of literature and never the creators of it.So imagine my delight and surprise, when i begin reading the brilliant responses of the woman in the beat culture?! A way for the women to talk back and allow for their voices to be heard as well.
I am always on the look out for strong female figures who achieve great success without the help of a man. I am not saying that all men suck, on the contrary, i'm quite fond of them. I am a feminist, not a moron. But in the society we live in, women are always subjected to a secondary status, a fact that is very well known. So i am always interested in the ways that women defy these stereotypes and live outside the societal conventions; where they refuse to get married, or have children, or even just refusing to remain placid.
It's sad, for lack of a better word, that the only way women can achieve true self accomplishment is to exile themselves from societal pressures. Many of these women did die of despair, so i am in no way trying to romanticize their struggles and hardships that they faced, but i can't help and feel amaze by these beat poets who abandoned everything, and were able to truly feel like they owned themselves.

okay, im done. -lily

problem

I have a problem,

It's gotten to the point where i just have my book in front of me so my housemates don't judge me for not doing homework.haha I dont understand why its been so hard for me to get back in student mode.

I've continued my Gilmore Girls marathon, which i am currently still on, and although it is 1:24 i'm going to force myself right after this blog to read my homework. haha i even had a longer blog topic in mind to write about, but it involved a bit of research and it proved to be too much effort. haha. maybe some other time.

But yeah, i finally had my birthday dinner today. yay! chinese food, which i regret because i feel like a ballooon. No bigger regret than the one you feel after you ate something you shouldn't of have. This is why im fat. Haha.

Alright, i am going to go and wallow now... outfit of the day:

October 8, 2013

So today was my birthday! And it was pretty boring. haha. I had school the whole day and when i got back i was going to eat a pizza by myself, but the pizza place was packed to the brim!! haha so i just came home like an hour ago and had left over pasta from yesterday.
i did however get lots of deserts.
This one was from the owner of the dog i walk, Pumpkin cupcake! yumm

This one was so sweet of this girl i only just met this quarter. She surprised me with it in class!

and this one was from my other friend, only we didn't have a lighter, so i wasnt able to make a birthday wish! Although we just pretended there was fire, so all is well. :)

But yeah, nothing particularly interesting happened. The shoes i ordered a couple of days ago arrived today! but when i went to try them on they were huge! so i have to return them. sadddd.
Oh yeah! so today was my first day of my Literature section, and as previously said, the super cute, super smart boy is in it! And BONUS! we have 2 super hot british guys, and 3 other guys, who have an accent but i dont know where they are from. It sounds that their native language is spanish, but spanish from where i do not know, all i know is that it sounds hott when they speak. haha This is why i love literature classes, i always have students who are studying abroad. yay! although that just means that i will be even more intimidated, and never say a word in the class. haha but at least i'll have something nice to look at!
So i guess my birthday wasn't a total fail. haha i do wish i had people to spend it with, but its okay, This whole weekend i will do that! Well, hopefully.
Birthday outfit of the day! Black is my happy color! haha

ending my bday with this happy birthday song to me! :) -lily

22!

Happy Birthday to meeee!!

I am definitely feeling 22!

I am seriously in such a good place right now. I am almost at a transition place in my life, and while i am not 100% sure i want things to change,It definitely feels like it is the right time for it. Taylor swift is right when she says that we are "happy, free, confused, and lonely" all at the same time but it really is in the best way!

I haven't been this excited to be getting older, since i turned 17. I wanted time to stand still then, and in many respects i feel it might have, because i still feel like a 17 year old senior, unsure of what is to come. Now i am a slightly more experienced and knowledgeable 22 year old, but i am just as unsure as i used to be. I guess once you get older, you realize that nobody ever really has a clue of where exactly their life is leading them, and that's okay. Even though its daunting and scary at times, not knowing is part of the fun. I'm still hopeful that i will get what i want out of life, age has yet to squander those dreams. haha Heres to hoping desolation doesn't catch up to me in the upcoming years! Haha. I am so excited for what the future holds. I love being where i am right now. Life is beautiful and i am just so happy that i got to live another year. Hurray for me!

-Lily

Day before my birthday

So being the good student that i am *cough* *cough* i woke up and did homework!!.. for like five minutes. Ha!

I actually watched the much anticipated 4th season of Downton Abbey!! I didn't even know the new season had started!! It was a great morning!!

But then i had my Beat Literature class at 5pm so although its a fun class, i am still not in student mode, obviously. And it turns out that this boy who probably hates me for editing out a lot of things that he wrote on our summer group paper, is in the same section as i am. haha lucky lucky me. So that will be interesting.

Okay, so i mentioned earlier that this creeper old man tried to hit on me at the bookstore the other day? Well i saw him again, and he was all like "Hola muchachita, estas sola? Quieres caminar conmigo?" (Hello miss, are you alone? do you want to walk with me?) I said no thank you, and he followed me for a bit and asked me "are you sure?" Scuuuryyyyyy!!! So i made my escape into Forever 21, which was a bad idea, since i want everything in the store. haha.

But yeah, so tomorrow is my 22nd birthday!! Hurray! i will be the oldest i have ever been! yay me. I love birthdays, not just my own, but other peoples as well. I think they are so much fun and super special! Although, i am excited that it will be my birthday, i'm not excited to go to class. Tomorrow is my longest day ever from 12pm to 9pm. Booo! And i will just get home and NOT do homework and probably stuff my face alone. haha. I miss my friends! can they all just come back pleeeaaseeee??

Okay, time for outfit of the dayyyyy

Jazz and Prose

This just make me feel so alive.

This just makes me want to be walking down San Francisco on a rainy friday night, walking hand and hand with another person, with twinkling lights in the distance, and the soft glow of the street lights above us. While the man on the street corner plays the sax, and the person with me recites my favorite poetry.

That would be magic.

-Lily

Dog Owners

So this has been on my mind for a really long time. So during the weekends i walk this beautiful dog named duke.

While he is such a sweetie to me, and to the people he knows, he is not very friendly with the majority of people, or dogs. He is very much a dominant dog, and he will growl and bark if he feels threatened . Now i feel i do a good job at controlling him and reading his body language for clues, but some dog owners sometimes just make it harder.

Now while i understand that luckily for some, their dog is friendly they however, should not automatically assume that every other dog is. Many times there are owners, who i am sure mean no harm, let their dogs run up to other dogs or even bring them towards yours. When you see the other person with a tight leash, or one who is pulling their dog away from yours, that is NOT and invitation to come even closer! You are putting both our dogs in danger. Always ask if the other dog is friendly well before you even take a step closer. It is just proper dog owner etiquette. Also always ask before you pet another persons dog. It is just safer for everyone. :)

Other than that, My weekends are always so beautiful and unfortunately they are numbered now. :(

The Libras know how to celebrate!

Hello Again,

My friends and I before the party!
okay, So it seems this whole blog everyday thing might not work, but oh well im trying. Okay so Friday night, my friends and i had a little party at a bar to celebrate our Libra Birthdays! It was super fun, and.. lets just leave it at that. haha

But yeah, on another note, it seems that my brain has taken upon itself to also erase all notions of what the concept of Homework is. And it doesn't even have the decency to even feel guilty about it.
Also, while dog walking, i hit my head on a branch very, very hard while i was singing to the dog the song that goes "ass, ass, ass,ass" because he was pulling me and i was telling him to not pull because i like seeing his face and not his butt... This happening all the while, unbeknownst to me, a guy was seeing and listening to me from his front porch. Yay me! Now, on top of my already existing headache, i have sprouted a very red, very sensitive second forehead. BUT WAIT there's more. Duke, the dog i walk,later proceeded to tripped me in front of some very attractive male specimens who were admiring him. It was a bit mortifying.

Why Yes people, i am very smooth.
-Lily

Gilmore

So, i forgot to write yesterday, but its okay since it was pretty uneventful well except the fact that the super cute and GENIUS kid in my literature class will be in my section, hurrah! :)

Okay so i started re-watching my most favorite and beloved show of all, Gilmore Girls. I always watch it during this time of year. And its so funny to watch it and understand so many more of their quirky come backs and puns. I also know a lot of the book refrences that Rory makes, and i am happy to see that i have read most of the books she mentions.

The reason why i love this show so much, aside from the obvious, is that this show is what truly opened my love for literature. While i've loved books ever since i could read, it wasn't until I saw Rory's excitement and wonder that i truly connected with books, in a way i hadn't before. It was because of Rory that i first picked up my first jane austen book, as well as a Herman Mellvile. Albeit, Moby dick might have been aiming a bit too high in 6th grade, it however opened my eyes to a world where words are beautiful, and perfectly crafted. With Austen i found a role model in Elizabeth Bennet. It was a period of self discovery in a world of books.

But aside from that, i am finding it hard to concentrate on my work. I seriously feel like i'm still in vacations! So ive just been eating pumpkin everything and watching shows. (Bad Lily!) But i cant help it!!! Autumn is a time for celebration! Not homework. haha But yeah, im like a bear, getting ready to hibernate and eating everything in sight, only im not going comatose for a whole season!

this is the tea ive become obssesed with

But yeah, okay so thats it, i thought i would include an outfit of the day picture whenever i could. I am trying to document everything. haha

here is today

-Lily

Mad to Live

God i love Beat Poets.

October: Im back

Hello everyone. So i haven't written anything on here, in quite a long time and i've wanted to start up again. I figured what better way than to start in the best month of all, October.

Okay, so my hope is that i write a blog/journal of what i get on my last three months of my undergraduate education. That's right folks, since I've last written, i have walked across the stage and received my "diploma." I am so close to being an actual graduate, with just these 3 more classes left, that i though it would be a nice thing for me to document this last part of my life here in the beautiful Santa Cruz. I don't have many followers at the moment, but i have noticed a spike in my page views, so at least my blog wont be totally deserted. Hopefully i continue this onto my life after college, which i literally cannot even fathom, but i have to say, i am pretty excited for whats to come.

Alright so Day 1: Disclaimer, this is not my first day back in school, but it was the first day of October. Well Sort of, since its 3am. Okay well besides school, which was uneventful, with the exception of me falling madly in love with jack kerouac work's, which quite frankly, i am surprised it took me this long... but anyways i digress. Right, so i was walking downtown, towards the wellsfargo because i needed to pay my rent. Well, this guy out of nowhere, i feel he evaporated in front of me, well he started talking to me about where is a fun place to go in santa cruz, i suggested a coffee shop since it was pretty "late" since most stores close at 7 or 8. So this guy continues to talk to me, ASKS ME if i have a BOYFRIEND. (At this point i see where he was starting to go with all this) And he asks me out, and when i say i cant, he gives me his number so i can text him! I literally felt i entered an alternate universe. This never happens to me, like ever. And to make it even more bizzare, after we said our goodbyes, i went to the bank and then took a quick trip to the bookshop, when not even 2 minutes inside ANOTHER man comes up to me and asks me if i have a boyfriend, (which to him i say yes, because he was old and creepy)and he says "its okay, i'm not a jealous man." like seriously, and he followed me around the bookstore a bit trying to get my hand. i was polite and told him i'm not interested, but i was shocked! I got asked out by two men within a 10 minute time period. This is unheard of in the life of Lily, which you will probably come to find out. The only beings that are interested in me, have four legs and tails. Haha, so yeah, October started off interesting, lets just hope it continues on as such. :)

-lily